What a night at my house.

Our cat crawled through a pinhole sized opening under the porch and fell in.  After we finally found him, by following his howls and meows, we realize we couldn't get him out. The hole he went in through, never seen by us before, was not an option.

After surveying the scene we decided that the only option was to literally chop a hole in my house big enough for him to come out of.  So I grabbed my trusty ax (does it surprise you that I actually have an ax?) and started whacking away.  Our 17-year old, Joe, reached his long arm into the hole with a can of tuna fish and eventually heard a soft meow.  At least the cat was alive.  The temperature was dipping and we knew it was a race against time.

I went inside for a meatball sandwich.

When I came out there was no sound coming from under the porch.  Clever Joe reached his arm in while holding his video camera.  My wife reviewed the tape and decided the cat was still alive so I went back the chopping like a mad man through 100-year old support beams holding up our front porch.  By the way, neighbors, we noticed you peeking through your curtains.  Be not afraid, Big Chuck "The Cat Rescuer" was on duty.

Finally after an hour of whacking (God, they made these houses sturdy a century ago!) Joe had enough room to to reach in with a wad of food and entice the cat to his hand. SNATCH!  The feline was pinched.  Joey slowly dragged the frightened, freezing cat out from under the porch and back into the warmth of our living room.

Ripped jeans..$30.00.  Two broken screwdrivers...$20.   One hole in the house....$1,000.  A happy wife and kid....priceless.

In my book, that was the cat's ninth life.  The next time he is on his own.